Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Blue...

Hey. I'm blue. I really am. I was hesitant. I'm full of self pity and I admit it. It is what it is.

I'm overwhelmed by so much.

My mom....y'all know about her. She's amazing and beautiful. And she's suffering in pain right now. Cancer is consuming her body. It's so hard to watch.

My dad...I've kind of neglected him lately. I haven't seen him since Christmas. His health is not good, but it's more of a daily struggle not so much a terminal thing like Mom's. He has diabetes and depression. The depression is plagueing him at the present time. Hayley Grace and I are going to pick him up tomorrow. It's his birthday and he's lonely. I'm thinking that a visit to Charlotte will do him good. While he's here he will get to go to Hayden's track meet and Dylan's baseball game and we will celebrate his birthday. Hayley Grace and I are going to get him tomorrow. I'm so thankful she's traveling with me.

My kids...all good, but they are involved in so much. Hayley Grace has CheerDance and Hip Hop, Dylan has baseball, Hayden has track, and Blake has CYC (Committed Young Christians).

My husband....Oh my, he rocks. He's been so loving and supportive of me and my feelings. God love him! He loves me. That isn't easy.

My friends....if you only knew. They have stepped in and filled in gaps that I was unaware needed filling. Cleaning my house. Bringing meals. Having my carpets cleaned (I'm sure that was the dirtiest water ever seen!). And giving of a mountain house for a weekend getaway or 2. But there are still those friends who also have many needs and are in hard places right now. I so wish I could do more.

My laundry...ugh. It's ugly. And thankfully my kids don't mind picking their clean clothes out of the clean clothes basket. Or atleast they don't complain. Or that I haven't been cooking much. Hot Pockets and Stouffers have been lifesavers!

My Work...one of the highlights of my life. I get uplifted daily from my coworkers who also happen to be great friends. They surround me with prayer. They also have been filling in for me when I can't pull my weight around the office. God bless them!!!! They make me take a break and bring laughter to my days. And I get paid!

My Speaking...God help me. I have an event in 2 weeks and I feel so unprepared. The theme is "Leaving An Eternal Legacy". This has never meant more to me than it does right now. My mom has left a legacy and I'm so aware of that now. I never was before because I had no fear of losing her. She was here. I didn't think of her as a memory. Now, I think of what I can keep of her. What parts of her I can hang on to. Her legacy is huge to me now. This event will be too. I just know God has the plans. I just wish I had them. I also have 2 other events in May. One at my family's church in Greenville, SC and one here in Charlotte where many of my friends will be in attendance.

My Email...I get so many loving emails each day. And I also receive the Proverbs 31 prayer requests each day too. It's so hard because I can't respond to all of my emails. I try, but I fail. That is hard for me. Also the prayer requests we receive each day at Proverbs is so hard. I love these people. I love them. I care for them. I wish I could respond to each one, but I can't. I do read them though. And I send them to our prayer team. But I wish I could connect with them. Just have to trust God that He will take care of them.

So, tonight....I'm blue. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I want to have some time alone. I want to read and write. I guess also, I'm selfish.

That's where God comes in. He provides. Whatever I need, He provides. For today. And that's all I ask.

Blue for today but strength, peace, and love to make it through the day and whatever tomorrow may bring.

Thank you so much for your prayers and love.

Love,

Melissa

*****Edit on April 15th.....
My friends, I love you so much. Thank you for your prayers. I read back over my post. Oh my, I'm so sorry I was having such a pity party!!!!! And I was! But that's really where I was. And kind of still am, but the good news is that I know better than I feel. Thank you for your prayers, love, and care.

9 comments:

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

You are such a beautiful writer and you have been in my prayers. I have thought of your Mom each day...Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Katelynn said...

Sweet Jesus, Pour out your Holy Spirit upon Melissa and overtake her with your peace and your comfort.

Shine upon her the Love that was publically displayed at the cross... at that blood soaked cross, which brings us all to our knees in gratitude crying out "Abba!"

You are in my prayers sister.

Psalm 46:10

Joy in The Truth said...

Thank you for sharing so honestly and laying it out there. Love you and praying for you and your family. May HE show you Himself in wonderful and serendipitous ways today!

Hugs -- you know the kind!

Angie said...

Keeping you close to my heart and praying for you!

((HUGS)))

Julie said...

Thank you for your honesty and transparencies when you write. Please know that so many people are praying for you and your entire family and that God has his hedge of angels surrounding you all.

This morning I was reading Luke 22:39-44. When you have time (whats that?-lol) read it. He gives us the strength we need, just when we think we cannot do it anymore.

I know your upcoming events might have you frazzled now, but remember how He has provided for you during past events- He always comes through and He always will.

Sweet Blessings!

Amy L Brooke said...

I am totally praying for you! You are loved.

Joyful said...

I'm wearing your shade my friend.
I too wrote from the colour 'blue' last night...but God gave a word of encouragement. Maybe it too would mix the palette of your heart.

http://princessjoyful.blogspot.com/2009/04/closer.html

Hugs and prayers,
Joy

Chef Diane said...

L-o-v-e, h-u-g,l-o-v-e,h-u-g
Love and hugs coming your way,

Just wondering have you exercised today?
Diane

Stephenie said...

Melissa,
I wish I could make everything better. Lord, grant Melissa the strength to get through each day, one decision or action at a time. Thank you for the relationship she has with you. Thank you for the priviledge of casting our cares upon you. In Jesus' name, Amen